I’ve been very quiet on here. The last post I did was back in October when I attempted to complete Blogtober. It may look like I failed at my goal of posting every day, but I did achieve my goal of posting my first artist post on Art and Mental Health AU (AAMHAU), a project that I hold dear to my heart.
The end of 2018 saw me applying for the Moshtix/ Music SA Female Music Business Scholarship to study a Cert IV in Music Business this year at Music SA. As a lot of you know, I was successful.
The funniest part about applying for the scholarship was typing my application in a notebook document, which mean that I had NO IDEA how long it was. It wasn’t until I copy and pasted it into a word document to send to my friend did I find out that it was 8 AND A HALF PAGES LONG! Had a bit of a giggle to myself, but I knew that I had answered all of the questions well, and that anything that I had included in my application was relevant, even if it was pretty much my life story.
I felt a little sorry for everyone that had to read it. I knew that those that read it would appreciate the hard work I have put in over the years, and would gain great insight and perspective into how I manage to do everything in my life.
Looking back I have worked hard. REALLY hard. Sometimes I lose track of all of the growth and experience gained over the last 19 years. I mean, realistically, everything I’ve done since I was 8 has led me to be in the position I am now.
Class has been pretty great. Because of my chronic pain and sensory issues, I’ve got an adjustment plan in place. I’m super grateful that I finally got a diagnosis last May because it has allowed me to tailor my study, career and life a little more to my mental and physical needs.
In class I have a pillow on my chair and a pillow behind my back to help support me while I have to sit down for a fairly long period, two days a week. In the beginning this really helped and allowed me to stay focused on my work for a little bit longer.
I am finding it a little difficult being in such a small class though. In high school and uni I sat in the front row, as far away as possible from everyone, so that I could focus on my work and stay on task. Studying at Music SA with a small group of people means that there is less space to get away from people, so I’m forced to sit with the group, or risk missing out on course content and class discussions. I’m slowly getting used to being in a class environment, but given my sensory and anxiety issues, I find myself excluding myself from the group and staying back after class finishes for the day in order to get my work done. When I sit with the class I often get easily distracted or am actively fighting stimulus that is triggering, so my work does not get done.
I have made an active choice that when I am home Monday and Tuesdays nights after being in class all day, I avoid doing course work. This time at home, on these days, are for spending time with Alfie and having a little bit of down time. Usually leads to an early night. This has been really successful in keeping my stress and anxiety down when spending time with Alfie as I don’t feel pressured to do my coursework.
Now more than ever I have to be kind to myself. On Saturday I got my results back from the CT scan I had done the week prior. It wasn’t good news. I have “moderate right lateral posterior disc bulge at L5/S1” and “moderate impingement of the right S1 nerve root”. In other words, I’m in a WHOLE LOT of pain ALL THE TIME, on TOP OF my chronic pain condition. I also have some numbness at the back of my right hip and sometimes in my right leg. In a way it is probably good that I have some numbness at the moment, given the pain that I have been in over the last 12 months. HOWEVER! My total pain, as I am writing this, is sitting at at least a 10. This sucks, like REALLY sucks. The pain medication I’m currently on isn’t really working anymore. They make the pain go down 1 or 2 points, but that’s it. The pain is still there. I actually fell asleep in class the other day because of the amount of pain I was in. From the research I have done, it looks like I am now up to “narcotics” level of pain relief.
I had to stop writing this last night because my pain got too out of hand.
This morning I went back to my (amazing) GP and was given slow release, prescription ibuprofen, and had a chat about what we can do in order for my back to heal itself.
She confirmed with me that I need to keep active, and that getting an exercise ball to sit on while I’m sitting down would be a great help in strengthening my back.
Because I see an amazing remedial massage therapist, I don’t need to see a physio for my back (YAAAYYY! I didn’t really want to have to add yet ANOTHER person to my care team). I saw him this afternoon. He stabilised my hips a little bit for me and worked on getting some of the inflammation to go down in my body. I always feel a little wobbly and tender after seeing him. When i get home it’s usually a big lunch or afternoon snack, shower, and then either rest or a nap. The night that I get my massage I usually have to take it pretty easy because my chronic pain condition means that I get delayed onset muscle soreness. I can be pretty darn sore a hour or so after I get home.
ANYWHO… Because my back is the way it is, I have to be super careful while I’m in class, that I’m not sitting down for too long and that I take regular breaks from sitting down to wander around and loosen up my back. My massage therapist has given me some stretches to do, which will definitely come in handy as I progress through the course and acquire work experience and paid work.
In a way, it is good that I have this injury as the recovery process will help with my chronic pain condition and my lack of energy. I’m pretty keen to be able to do more in the future, but I just have to not lose sight of the work that needs to be put in right now.
I won’t be doing a lot of volunteer or paid work for the rest of the year, unless it is in a role that I know doesn’t involve heavy lifting.
My current goals are: to gain experience in the area of Stage Manager/ Artist Liaison before my first paid role as a Stage Manager and Artist Liaison this July; gain further experience within a festival environment; and gain general knowledge and experience in order to become a better Artist Manager.
With the experience I have gained over the last 17 years, especially in the last 1-5 years, I believe I’m on the right track to achieving my goals this year. I worked my butt off last year, and did as much work as I could, before I applied for the Moshtix/ Music SA Female Music Business Scholarship. I feel that this year I can really focus on gaining more paid work, and take bigger steps in my career.
The biggest thing I am working on this year is getting Art and Mental Health AU off the ground. I am hosting my first event through Art and Mental Health AU this July for my birthday. However, the first major event for AAMHAU will HOPEFULLY be in October during mental health month. I plan on working with a lot of different music and mental health organisations to host an All Ages event that will involve a panel with experts and people within the music industry, as well as having a gig component at the end to showcase the work of the artists that were on the panel. I am pretty stoked for it to happen, I just need to apply for funding.
IF YOU’RE READING THIS AND WOULD LOVE TO HELP OUT IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM WITH ART AND MENTAL HEALTH AU- be that as a guest writer, helping out with events, or putting me in touch with organisations and people that would be able to help in any shape or form- PLEASE HEAD TO THE CONTACT PAGE OF THE AAMHAU SITE.
Life is still pretty challenging at the moment, but I’m finding that with these struggles, I am even more motivated to achieve my goals, and get AAMHAU off the ground and running more efficiently.
If you’ve made it this far, I thank you for reading. I’m sure I’ll be posting more as I continue in my recovery journey. I’m glad that there is finally something that I can do for what I’m going through and experiencing.
I go back and see my psych just after Easter, so should have another update around then.
Until then,
Ashlea Jaye 